


Survival Comes First

by tjstar



Series: (un)adopted [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: 2019, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Common Cold, Exhaustion, Fever, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Klaus Hargreeves Whump, No Incest, Post-Canon, Sibling Bonding, Sickfic, Sparrow!Ben, Time Travel, kidney pain, the sparrow academy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26373913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjstar/pseuds/tjstar
Summary: “I did it,” Vanya says. “I killed Ben.”Klaus thinks he misheard her. Klaus hopes it’s just one of his fever dreams.Klaus doesn’t want to believe her.---Klaus comes down with a cold after the fight with The Commission.Someonecan’t keep family secrets.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: (un)adopted [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917556
Comments: 23
Kudos: 302





	Survival Comes First

_“Dad, who the hell are these assholes?”_

The echo of this not-even-an-insult keeps ringing in Klaus’ ears. Or, there’s some ringing in general. A nasty one, migraine-inducing and brain-wrenching, multiplied by the time-travel aftermath. Another failed mission, another unprogrammed briefcase. This is the world where The Umbrella Academy doesn’t even exist; the negotiations between them and The Sparrow Academy ended up with another pointless tantrum thrown by both sides. Klaus wasn’t listening, too shocked by _still-_ Ben’s new style. It’s not _their_ Ben, it’s dear daddy’s new Number One, a boy from a portrait and a total jerk who didn’t stand up for them when Reginald asked them to leave. Klaus didn’t feel well already, didn’t look well; still-Ben said, _“if he dies here I’m not helping you bury him,”_ and Klaus said, _“shut up, ghost bitch, I vote for cremation.”_

Ah, he forgot that Ben is alive now. Ben didn’t like his joke at all.

They’ve had a few arguments since getting out of the Academy. Klaus doesn’t participate in their improvised “family meeting”, too tired and suddenly too drunk to function. A few shots of whiskey he’s had back at the mansion shouldn’t have knocked him out like that. He leans against Luther for support, clinging to his sleeve just to stand upright. The ringing in his ears brings a bout of dizziness, so Klaus pulls at his cowboy hat until it almost covers his face. These black and white flashes are really annoying. The siblings are standing in the alley between the two buildings, and the air _stinks_ of homelessness. Klaus is about to exchange glances with Ben — _“hey bro, it’s adventure time!”_ — but there’s no ghosts. Klaus swallows a greeting he was saving for _their_ Ben. 

Diego says that he could’ve saved JFK. Five says that he regrets letting him out of the asylum.

Klaus is about to fall asleep with the buzz of a conversation surrounding him, but Luther hugs him way too tightly. 

“You got something in your pockets, Klaus?”

Oh, dear brother’s conscience always wakes up at the wrong time. Klaus winces.

“You don’t want me to say that I’m just happy to see you, do you?”

His hat doesn’t make him invisible. Klaus sighs and pulls it up a little just to see his family the way they see them. Their looks are not even judging — they all are just exhausted, confused and lost. Un-adapted. Un-adopted.

Allison looks right into his soul as if he’s still just a troubled teen.

“What did you steal _this time?”_

Klaus pulls away from Luther, nearly tripping over his own boots. With a groan of disappointment, he shoves his hand into a pocket; he takes out a rather heavy statue, a horse, decorated with gold and diamonds. He found it on the shelf next to the whiskey bottles (he managed to get one, he’s so proud of himself!), and it was so lonely, so appealing, so… Expensive. If they’re all fighting their own battles now, survival comes first. This is his one and only rule.

“Klaus, seriously? Again?” Diego rolls his eyes so dramatically Klaus can swear he hears his eyeballs pop. He cradles the horse to his chest.

“This… This is my inheritance!”

When it comes to invading into people’s personal space, Five is a professional. He blinks himself closer to Klaus, almost sticking his forefinger into Klaus’ nose. 

“The old man is not our father anymore, you idiot. He’s not even _dead_ yet.”

“Oh, well, that’s temporary,” Klaus snaps back.

He turns away from them, he walks away, or at least, he tries. He tells himself that he shouldn’t be camping in the streets, next to the smelly dumpsters. 

“Where are you going?”

Vanya’s question ricochets off of his back. 

“To a pawn shop,” he coughs up. And then coughs some more, bringing a fist to his mouth. 

“Oh, that’s selfish,” Allison says.

Klaus turns to her.

“Why? Just because I don’t want to sleep on the ground _again?_ Come with me then, we…” he clears his throat. “We could get some rooms for a night.”

Of course they think he’s gonna get high. It’s hard to focus on the words he’s saying, it’s hard to read his siblings’ facial expressions in the dark. 

“Oh, come on,” Klaus exhales. “What’s your problem with borrowing some shit from Reggie?”

He’s sobering up, whisperings crawl into his ears — _listen to us, помоги нам, save us._ _“HELLO, I couldn’t even save my brother, GOODBYE.”_ Klaus doesn’t know what happened in the FBI building, where Ben is, and why it hurts so much. There’s blood in his right ear, bubbling inside, and he’s still partially deaf, he’s disoriented to the point it makes him want to throw up. He’s had his eardrum ruptured before, in Vietnam, when a sudden explosion sent him flying along with splinters and debris. Dave said that it was a miracle that he didn’t turn into a hamburger.

His skin smells like sweat and napalm. 

Klaus leans against a cool wall and closes his eyes.

“He’s right,” Five grumbles. “We should pawn the horse.”

“I need to find Claire,” Allison says stubbornly.

Klaus wiggles his eyebrows.

“Gonna need some cash to get a taxi, sis.”

*** 

They pawn the horse, they get three rooms for the six of them — this is a permanent number from now on. Vanya is going to wait for Allison in their room and Luther stays with Diego. Klaus grins, flopping onto the bed,

“Hi, roommate.” 

“I need to fix it,” Five paces across the room nervously. 

Klaus lights up a cigarette, but a coughing fit doesn’t let him take a drag. 

“Don’t smoke here!”

Five snuffs the cigarette out in the ashtray. 

Klaus doesn’t have enough energy to take another one. 

“What are you gonna do… To fix it?”

Five points at the briefcase. 

“Gonna team up with Herb and Dot and maybe find Lila.”

“Lila?” Klaus chuckles. “Diego’s gonna be so excited. As well as his libido.”

“Shut up,” Five grabs the briefcase and blinks himself out of the room. Classic. 

Klaus thinks that maybe wearing a vest during the snowstorm the night prior was not a good idea.

***

_The snow melts in his boots, feet cold and blistered; Klaus keeps running across the field until he can’t breathe, lungs full of thistle thorns. The ghosts are standing stock-still, not calling for him, not looking at him at all. All of them are dead agents, heads busted and guts snaking down their bodies; limbs missing, blood shed and faces turned to wax masks._

_“H-have you seen him?” Klaus pants out. Chilly wind bites his skin, he’s lost his coat somewhere. “Please? Talk to me?”_

_He wanders through the crowd of the dead, looking them in the whites of the eyes. The snow turns to sand on his eyelashes, his tears turn to ice._

_“Have you seen that guy? A bit shorter than me, Asian, wearing a leather jacket? With a quiff? He’s literally hanging out with me all the time!”_

_Klaus keeps searching, waiting for Ben to come out of nowhere and roast him for losing his shit. He speeds up, crashing brittle snowflakes with his shoes._

_“Ben? Ben! Where are you?! You can’t just go without saying goodbye, Ben!”_

“Ben!”

His throat is on fire. He’s choking on his lungs, shivering and curling into himself as the pain kicks him in the back and in the stomach, and his bruised ribs don’t let him breathe. Getting up is a quest since the walls and the floor keep swaying and doubling as Klaus drags himself into the bathroom. Coughing hurts, taking a piss hurts too. There’s probably blood in the toilet, but Klaus just flushes it, keeping his eyes closed. He wonders how high his fever actually is, but he’s too frazzled to find a thermometer. Or pills. He shouldn’t take pills when he doesn’t have anyone to watch him. 

Cold sucks, kidney pain sucks too. 

Klaus notices the bottle in his hand — yep, he’s not using the bathroom without taking it with him — and there is the urge to gulp the leftover whiskey down. Ben wouldn’t have liked it.

“Since when are you thinking about it?” Klaus asks himself. After his three-year sobriety marathon he can control his powers a bit better; sometimes he can keep the ghosts toned down to a shadow-like condition. If he gets lucky.

He _is_ lucky today.

Klaus places his free hand on his forehead — HELLO, fever — and empties the bottle into the sink, watching the streams of amber whiskey disappear in the drain. Suddenly, it feels right. Klaus doesn’t want to talk to his family about his problems, and thinking of alcohol makes him feel queasy. He doesn’t have Ben to tell him what to do now so he takes his sickness as a punishment. He can get through this.

There’s a white bathrobe on the hanger, and Klaus wants to hide in it, seeking warmth, but the cold has settled deep in his bones, in his innards. He’s still wearing that damn vest underneath, too tired to peel it off. He wants to go back to bed, but he coughs until he retches into the sink, hacking up mucus and drinking stale water straight from the tap to get rid of the acidic taste in his mouth. 

“It’s just a cold,” Klaus whispers. “Just a cold.”

His right ear throbs. He may need some painkillers if he doesn’t feel better in the morning.

Klaus flips off his reflection in the mirror and crawls back to bed.

*** 

He wakes up to knocking. Quite persistent, it’s definitely one of his siblings. 

His back aches, he can’t understand if it’s getting better or worse. The handle jiggles, and there’s the slight humming in the hallway. Rhythmic. Almost melodic. 

“I’m coming,” Klaus groans; he needs to hurry up, he doesn’t want this hotel to crumble down brick by brick. “Wait a second!”

God knows how, but he makes it.

“Hi, Vanny!”

Winking hurts too. Living hurts — yes, that’s how overdramatic he is.

Vanya stops focusing on the sounds as soon as Klaus opens the door. She’s holding a steaming bowl in her hands. 

“Hey. I brought soup.”

“Sure, come in,” Klaus waves his hand towards the nightstand. “Look at us, we’re twins!”

Vanya smiles. Her hair is slightly damp and she looks incredibly small in an over-sized bathrobe. 

“I used to cook chicken soup when Harlan had _bad days,”_ she says and quickly cuts herself off. “Klaus, we need to talk.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening, I’m just…” he hugs himself as he begins to cough again. “Might be contagious. You don’t wanna catch whatever I’ve got.”

“I almost ended the world twice. Don’t think that your fever will scare me away.”

There’s no joy in Vanya’s voice, and Klaus _really_ doesn’t want her to be upset. 

“Aw, my fearless little sister.”

Vanya shakes her head as she sits down next to him onto the mattress.

“I did it,” Vanya says. “I killed Ben.”

Klaus thinks he misheard her. Klaus hopes it’s just one of his fever dreams. _Klaus doesn’t want to believe her._

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did, Klaus, I…” the spoon in the bowl begins to shake, ripples crinkle the surface. “I couldn’t control myself. He said goodbye, and he mentioned you, but I couldn’t even look you in the eye. He said it’s been seventeen years.” 

Vanya’s voice cracks. 

Klaus repeats,

“Seventeen years. I _asked_ him to stay. What a selfish asshole I am?”

“You’re not, listen to me, _Ben_ wanted me to tell you this — he was just scared to go into the light. And… He meant it, I felt it — he didn’t want to leave you alone with your _powers._ He wanted to be that one friendly ghost. He… He was inside of my mind, like… Rebooting my brain? Helping me get my memory back?” Vanya balls up her fists, and the curtains begin to waver. “And I _destroyed_ him. He wanted to talk to you too, but it was too late. He’s gone, gone forever, Klaus, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” 

She hugs him and cries.

Ben never had a chance to grow up, just looking at the world through the prism of Klaus’ life instead. He was robbed of the opportunity to leave the academy and start a normal life, chained to the monsters inside of him, cursed by them, killed by them. Klaus wishes he could rewind the time and sort it all out. _“No one needs your shit, Klaus.” — “Klaus, is Ben here?” — “No, unfortunately, ghosts can’t time travel.” — “Klaus, tell them that I’m here!”_

More flashbacks, more destructive thoughts. 

Vanya whimpers, 

“I ruined everything.”

“Sh, calm down, Vanny, calm down.”

“Claire doesn’t exist in this timeline. Allison and Five try to figure out how, where and when to find her. Allison is so devastated.”

Dave, Ben, Eudora, Claire, Raymond, Sissy, Harlan — they’ve lost everyone they ever truly loved. Literally everyone. Even Allison’s first husband is gone now. Is this what makes them a family?

Vanya’s energy reverberates through Klaus’ body; he gasps when it pierces his kidneys, biting his tongue not to curse. He breathes out,

“It’s… Not your fault. I’d even let him possess me again, you know. It just… It _hurt_ because of his bentacles, I think.”

He doesn’t want to let any other ghost get inside of him. That was a traumatizing experience, after all. He needs to work on it.

 _“I’m_ hurting you too,” Vanya wiggles out of the hug. “You got so sick because you came with me.” 

Klaus shrugs.

“Come on, it’s just some cold. And a minor inflammation. Give me a few days, and I’ll be jumping like a young doe.”

It usually goes like that. He ignores his sickness until he feels better. Vanya sniffles and asks,

“How can I help?”

“Just don’t blow up this lovely building,” Klaus says, voice gravelly. “Oh, and some hot water bottle would be nice too.”

“I’ll get it for you. Your health is one thing that can be fixed without ruining a million of the others.”

Vanya’s hands are shaking. 

So is the furniture.

***

Klaus is having one of his angsty moments when he’s torn between pitying himself and hating himself. Both Diego and Luther visit him — they are surprised to see him sober _for once._ They got pretty close after their journey through Dallas, and Klaus said _“you are so sweet I’m gonna get diabetes.”_ They’re just Team Zero since they don’t even have their numbers now. Thanks to Five. Klaus really wishes that not being adopted by Reginald in this reality would make his claustrophobia go away, but sadly, that’s not how time travel works. And going straight to the future doesn’t heal his physical and emotional wounds. His right ear still feels clogged, which is even good: he can’t hear the ghosts when he’s lying on his left side. He’s semi-conscious and all sweaty when he hears the knocking again. 

Hectic. Chaotic. Unfamiliar. 

“Oh, stop it! Let me get my beauty sleep,” Klaus rubs his eyes and limps to the door. “I put the “do not disturb” sign on the handle, come on!”

The lock beeps.

“Oh, you’re alive.”

“You?” Klaus presses a hot water bottle to his stomach. “I mean… _You?_ What the hell, dopplegänger?”

Ben says,

“You stole Dad’s statue.”

“Oh, well, technically, that was a horse…” Klaus trails off when Ben glares at him. “Do you really think I regret it?”

 _This_ Ben’s voice sounds different. This Ben’s hair looks different — choppy bangs with a few blue strands. A scar on his face. He rolls up his sleeves as if he’s about to punch Klaus — he’s got a tattoo on his left wrist — a black and red sparrow in a circle. 

“We need to talk.”

“When my sister said it, she almost turned my ribs to dust.”

“I’m not gonna touch you!”

“Good to know.”

Klaus coughs, covering his mouth with his sleeve. 

“You’re smoking too much,” Ben wrinkles his nose in disgust. 

“Haven’t done that in…” Klaus looks at a nonexistent wristwatch. “Almost ten hours.”

“I can smell it in your hair.”

“Oh, don’t smell my hair then,” Klaus wheezes out. “Or, well, anyone’s hair. Makes you look like a perv, you know.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Whatever.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” Ben mimics his tone. 

Klaus lays back down, carefully, not to resurrect pain. 

“Spit it out, emo boy, or leave me alone.”

Ben takes a monocle out of the pocket of his uniform jacket — a red one, with The Sparrow Academy emblem.

 _“Canticum in Tenebris,”_ Klaus reads the motto. _“A song in the dark._ Are you guys… A band with a floating amplifier? My sister is a violinist, by the way. But she blows shit up when she plays. Pretty creative, in my opinion.”

“The “amplifier’s” name is Christopher,” Ben deadpans. “Okay, now stop pretending like we’re best of pals and listen to me,” he lets the monocle dangle on the chain as if hypnotizing Klaus. “You’re not the only one who’s stealing things from that household, but I digress. Dad knows about your powers. Now he says that… You’ve brought with you something that you shouldn’t have in 2019.”

Klaus lets out a moan, pointing at the cowboy hat on the chair. 

“You mean _this?_ Come on, don’t tell me that a sexy stylish hat causes another Apocalypse. What is with the world today? The wicked games that people play.”*

And Ben says,

“A baby.”

“Yeah,” Klaus nods. “Vanya was babysitting a boy in the sixties.”

She didn’t like oatmeal and her nannies when she was a kid; she ended up being one, how symbolic. 

Ben snaps his fingers in front of Klaus’ nose. 

“Focus, you can’t be that dumb! _That_ baby hasn’t been born yet. I just… I just thought it’ll be fair to warn you before my Dad comes for it.”

Ben shoves the monocle back into his pocket. Klaus sits up in the bed, ignoring a full-body ache.

“Wait, wait, do you mean…”

“I couldn’t find your sister to talk to her, okay?” Ben looks around, irritated. “So I came to you, because… You seem pretty chill.”

“Allison,” Klaus whispers. “Holy shit, it’s Allison. She wanted to keep a secret, but you can’t trick the monocle.” 

Ben turns to the door. 

“Warn her. I didn’t tell you anything.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

“And quit smocking, for fuck’s sake.”

Klaus waves him a GOODBYE, getting anxious about his upcoming conversation with Allison.

He grabs a pack of cigarettes as soon as Ben leaves. 

**Author's Note:**

> * song: the cult of dionysus by the orion experience  
> \---  
> [these](https://andwiththatileave.tumblr.com/post/626486483346423808/the-crest-of-the-sparrow-academy) [posts](https://hargrieve.tumblr.com/post/626653516088344576/some-sparrow-academy-pictures-from-aidan) helped me a lot!  
> \---  
> my tumblr: @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky  
> \---  
> thanks for reading!  
> comments/thoughts/theories are very appreciated <3


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